I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
