So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
