Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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