Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this boner is exhausting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize