Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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