I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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