Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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