Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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