Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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