Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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