I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
