So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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