There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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