Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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