I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
