the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What changed your mind?
Being sober
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
