Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she smelled like a LAN party
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
