dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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