We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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