so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
