Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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