if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
