FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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