I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize