New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
