I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
