I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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