fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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