I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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