Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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