38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Less talking, more tequila
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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