i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
