Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
