I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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