But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
