I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
