Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
