dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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