he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
