I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dear god my vagina.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
