I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You took a bar mat shot.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
