The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
