If i come over, it means nothing
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize