don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
