You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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