Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
