He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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