I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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