i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
