Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
