You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
