Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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