i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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