we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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