She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
