Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
