Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
