I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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