idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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