Plan B is the new Plan A
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
