38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i drank out of a bidet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
