Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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