Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
