And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
